(no subject)

[bannion_sight]

She's well aware that she's going to have to let a number of people know about her plans, and that fairly soon. Something as large as relocating from Toronto, Canada, to Glastonbury, England, is going to need some explanation. A lot of explanation, more than likely.

Telling people things that they need to know but don't want to hear is never going to get easier, she knows. By now she's even come to accept that.

She's been putting it off anyway.

It's early enough on a Saturday that the coffee shop isn't crowded at all. Kim's sitting at a table near the door, waiting.

Absently, she glances up at the clock. The train should be arriving soon.

Comments

[bannion_sight]

"At the end of August. I wanted to give them plenty of notice at the clinic and Toronto General."

Steadily said.

[noteful]

"At the end of August," she repeats, just as steadily.

"Kim, this is a joke. It has to be. You can't just up and move to England in a little over a month. It's not like moving to . . . Vancouver. There are rules and regulations and my God the paperwork probably makes the forms I'm filling out for McGill look like a pop quiz. There's no way you can get all that done in a month.

"So what's going on here?"

[bannion_sight]

Kim sighs.

"It's not a joke, Meg."

"And I've already done the paperwork, and had it approved."

[noteful]

"You decided this a while ago, then, didn't you?" Meg says, very, very neutrally.

[bannion_sight]

Kim simply nods.

The silence is heavy and awkward for only an instant before she adds, rather urgently,

"Meg, please -- you've got to understand. I have to do this."

[noteful]

"Oh, I think I understand. But correct me if I've got any of it wrong, okay?

"You decided to move across an ocean, to a foreign country, and did all the paperwork, and got it approved, without discussing it with anyone."

And by anyone Meg, of course, means me.

"Do Mom and Dad even know?

"Jesus, Kim. I actually thought things with us were getting better. What, am I just supposed to be grateful that you bothered to tell me you were leaving before you actually left this time around?"

Meg stops, swallows, and her eyes darting up and over the way they do when she's trying not to cry.

"Does that about sum it up?"

[bannion_sight]

"I told you first," Kim says.

It's close enough to be true-- it's true in the ways that most matter, and that's enough.

"I told you first, and I wanted you to know before I left, yes--"

[noteful]

"Well, thanks for deigning to tell me this time," Meg says.

She picks up her bags and starts for the door.

"I think I can make the 7:20 train if I leave now. And I'm sure you have lots you need to do, assuming that you haven't already done everything but tell your family. So I don't want to keep you from that."

[bannion_sight]

"Meg."

Her tone is quiet but firm. Kim crosses to the door, putting her hand against it, and looks levelly at her sister.

"Do you really want to leave this way? Do you want me to leave this way?"

[noteful]

Meg looks down at her feet. "I don't want you to leave at all," she says, very quietly.

When she looks up again, her eyelashes are wet and her eyes are too bright, but she is not crying, and her voice is stronger.

"But, then, it's a bit late to ask what I want, isn't it?"

[bannion_sight]

"No," Kim says, softly, without moving. "No, it isn't."

"Even with me there, though, t's not like you won't see me or be able to talk with me; it isn't like that at all."

[noteful]

"Kim, you don't talk to me when we're in the same country. How does that get better with an ocean between us?

"How long have you been lying to me about that?"

[bannion_sight]

"I haven't been lying to you, Meg." There's a sharper edge to her tone for an instant before she manages to throttle it back.

"The ocean won't matter, since you've been able to visit Milliways. We can see each other there probably even more often than it would have been otherwise, once you were at McGill."

[noteful]

The sharper tone is noted, but there's no reaction to it. Meg is still steady and calm when she answers.

"Yes, Kim, you have. Every time I said, 'what have you been up to?' or 'how are things going?' or 'what's new with you?' and you didn't say, 'well, I'm thinking about moving to England' or 'I've filed the paperwork to move to England' or 'my application to immigrate has been approved,' you lied to me.

"And I just can't do this any more."

[bannion_sight]

There's so much she could say; so much she wants to say, but Kim limits herself to a single question.

"Can't do what?"

[noteful]

Meg's eyes don't leave her sister's, and the tone is still very composed.

"I can't have any kind of meaningful relationship with you, Kim, if I have to constantly wonder what you're not telling me, or what you're lying about, or how much damage it's going to do when you do get around to telling me.

"I just can't."

It's about self-preservation. That's all.

[bannion_sight]

The silence that falls draws out between them for long seconds, unbroken. She holds Meghan's gaze, shouldering the weight of the accusation, and of what it means that it was said at all.

In that same silence, Kim lets her hand fall from the door; in silence, she steps to one side, and waits.

[noteful]

"All right, then," says Meghan, more to herself than to her sister.

She stops with her hand on the doorknob.

"I'm sorry, Kim. You were right about one thing; this really isn't what I wanted."

[bannion_sight]

"Me, either."

No one will ever know the effort that it takes her to keep her words steady, to keep tears from starting to her eyes.

No one save that part of Ysanne which lies within her soul, as close as her own aching heart.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too."

[noteful]

"It's worth something."

She doesn't say what it's worth, though.

She doesn't even know what it's worth.

Meg pauses again in the doorway, and without turning around adds, "You have twenty-four hours to tell Mom and Dad and then I'm going to.

"Good-bye, Kim."

[bannion_sight]

"Go ahead and tell them tonight. You'll need to explain why you're coming back early, anyway."

Kim's tone is coolly precise, and somehow distant.

"And after you do that, tell them to call me."

A single beat.

"I'll see you later, Meghan."

[noteful]

"I will, then. God forbid you tell anyone anything yourself, Kim," Meghan says.

"And, no. I don't think you will see me later."

The door doesn't slam behind her, but closes with a small, non-negotiable, decided click.

[bannion_sight]

"I tried," she says softly, into the still air of the empty room. "But you wouldn't listen."






The call she makes to her parents isn't a long one, all things considered. Long enough to warn them that Meghan's coming home early and why; long enough to tell them that they'd fought about the fact that she's taking a job in England, and that she'll tell them everything in person soon, and that she loves them.

After Kim hangs up the phone, she sits still, listening to the quiet in the kitchen for a few minutes, then sighs and goes back into the other room to pack.